Dating apps: I matched with a friend, what should I do?
Dating apps can be the wild, wild west. Avoiding ghosters and scammers can be stressful. But what if you match with a friend – and even more tempting, if it’s a same-sex friend who you didn’t know was bisexual?
Over the next few months, Hinge will break down the pitfalls and myths bisexual daters face in its latest collection FAQs (not so frequently asked questions).
“It’s one thing to discover a friend on Hinge, but it can also be super exciting to have a crush on them and find out they’re bi,” said Moe Ari Brown, love and relationships expert at Hinge. No matter your sexuality, matching with friends can be confusing. You may be wondering if they are just compatible because you know each other or if they also have a crush on you.
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Brown suggested starting with subtle flirting because it allows you to gauge her interest without being too pushy. For example, compliment him on something in his profile that intrigues you. “You can comment on her prompt: ‘I really like how interesting your stories are. Your mind works in a wonderful way,’” Brown said.
See where this takes you. If they shy away from your compliments, it could indicate that they want your relationship to remain platonic. But if they’re receptive, you can take things a step further.
If you’re feeling brave, you can talk to your friend/partner directly. “You could say something like, ‘By the way, I’m flirting with you. I was so happy when we met because I would like to explore the attraction when the feeling is mutual,'” Brown said. “At the end of the day, it’s so important to be clear and direct.”
The clearest way to express your feelings is to ask her on a date. If you’re not sure what to suggest, Brown recommends starting with something casual like a coffee or a walk.
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“Nearly half of Hinge’s bisexual dates who have never had a queer experience expressed a feeling of nervousness about open discussions,” Brown said. “Make sure you respect your friend’s feelings and boundaries.”
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The most important thing, Brown continued, is to be sincere and respectful. You said, “If you are honest about your feelings, your boyfriend will appreciate it, even if he doesn’t share them.”
It takes courage to be so honest, so kudos if you ask your boyfriend out, regardless of the answer. If they reject your advances, remember to separate romantic rejection from self-esteem. And know that there are other people out there – like the app that matches you and your boyfriend.
