Eight signs you’re actually posh – and not just wealthy

The Flashing The Cash Party

Rowan Atkinson threw a party for his partner’s 40th birthday and we’ve all heard about it, especially those who live within four miles. The fireworks and pounding bass are said to have caused dogs to run away and people to wander aimlessly across the valley in their pyjamas.

Yes, we get that those summer parties are making up for lost time, but we’re also caught in a livelihood crisis, teetering on the brink of recession and food shortages, and the new definition of More Dosh Than Posh is unaware that it’s distasteful, raucous money wasting to feel good. It’s called Tone Dosh. (The Wagatha Christie case falls into the same senseless money-burning category.)

The extreme diet

Victoria Beckham recently announced that being skinny is out of fashion, but sadly, David had previously let us know that she eats the same super low-calorie meal (grilled fish and steamed veggies) every day. That kind of mind-numbing self-discipline in striving to look good in workout clothes is what sets Posh apart as More Dosh Than Posh.

Posh people may be skinny, not skinny, or covered in hair from head to toe, but they are invariably avid drinkers (or ex-enthusiasts) and rarely picky eaters. We also learned that Posh drinks vodka and tonic (bet it’s actually vodka and soda, which you know is called Skinny B—h), but again… not so Posh. Sancerre shock glass? That’s more like it.

The very revealing wedding dress

Very short is the trend in summer, unless it’s a wedding dress, when the deal is always long for the ceremony and you can stretch your legs later. However, the MDTP live for revealing the body and will not hide it on their special day. If you were expecting Kourtney Kardashian to become all Grace Kelly on their three wedding days — just to herald the changes — you were sorely mistaken.

One bathroom per person

This is – as we have already established – a key characteristic of dosh vs. posh. You have nine bedrooms, you need 16 bathrooms – almost one per overnight guest if you have a full house – and among those setting the “more bathrooms than sense” standard are Harry and Meghan. Incidentally, you can easily switch from MPTD to MDTP, just as you can switch from Dosh to Posh, although you won’t necessarily be aware that you’re going down the Posh to Dosh route.

Refusal of a hair transplant

The posh you are, the more likely you are to be wary of embellishment on a 21st century scale. Loved to stock up on Trumpers ointments, but a gentleman doesn’t go under the knife to secure his hairline (sorry Rooney), for the desperate hair-seeker is the equivalent of one who describes himself as charming and wearing cashmere socks. Eight signs you’re actually posh – and not just wealthy

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