Lifestyle

The dos and don’ts of getting married second… or third time around

There will be friends and relatives who experience vivid deja vu, if not conflicting feelings. Pastors step on eggshells. Siblings juggling allegiances (“I’ll come by later and tell you all…”). Stepkids wondering if they’re not so much gaining a “bonus parent” as they are losing a parent. To put it in a nutshell – the rules are not the same for the late marrying couple and you marry like a novice at your own peril.

Here are some useful pointers (including things we might do differently in hindsight)

wedding dresses

Very sensibly, Hilary Meredith wears a white jacket and skirt rather than the snowy satin halter she saw on Halle Berry in a magazine, or a dress with cut-out shoulders. Most importantly, not having a bridal fantasy (e.g. Princess Caroline of Monaco 1978) that remains unchanged 30 years later. Likewise, the bride managed not to look like the bride’s mother, which has a lot to do with her daughter’s attire. It’s December, which helps – traditionally not the moment for strapless duchess satin – as the late married bride calls for a veiled and elegant maid of honor (if you’re wondering, Charlotte’s nude catwalk is a flesh-colored thing indeed). Here you can see that Charlotte is wearing exactly what Game of Thrones’ Margaery Tyrell would wear in the same circles – spot on.

bridesmaids

none. Trust us, otherwise LMB will look like her grandma. Likewise, we probably don’t need to list all of the potentially Miss Havisham-izing aspects of wedding attire, but definitely don’t consider: a flower crown; fishnet petticoats; Puff; Her something blue is a garter; an updo with ringed trailing bits; Bridesmaids Carrying Your Train (You may have a slightly trailing dress, but no cute bridesmaids).

late groom wear

Suit, dressing gown, whatever you fancy… But by no means assume that what you put on the first time will be as well received as my husband did. Nipped in the bud just in time. Yes, we’re all for recycling, except when it strays into the territory of Monica Lewinsky’s blue dresses – as last worn on this very special day. (See Late Honeymoon Planning.)

Guests who are not convinced

Does anyone understand why Mrs. Logan Roy invited her ex-husband Logan to their wedding one after the other? Because unless the exes are in a very good place — unlike the Roys — you’d be mad if you even had them there. The main bonus of a late wedding is that all the people there are your true friends forever. Doesn’t always work that way, but…

size

For the same reasons, stick with the people who really need to be there and give them better alcohol. Also, this isn’t the wedding that lasts three days and costs everyone a year’s salary in flights and accommodation. This is your first wedding.

Cry

I can’t forbid it, but as the lady who made our vol-au-vents said when I murmured that I could have a little sob with my grateful father, “No crying! Nobody wants to see that! And think of what it’s going to do to your face.” So true. And the late bride, unlike the normal bride, has a face that will not recover from salty tears well into the reception, if then.

Late groom/groomsmen speeches

No one wants to think about late-married people having sex, least of all the children present. You certainly won’t appreciate nudgy-winky references, nor is it to think that this is The One. Do they want to feel like the descendants of the one who didn’t count? No they don’t. And it’s unkind and rude and also quite narcissistic to think otherwise. Keep all speeches included and dial down the year zero tone.

Late honeymoon planning

And how, beloved, do you know this little hotel so well? From where exactly in your past life? Ah… honeymoon ONE. Reeeally. Come on, late groom! Repeat after us: “No duplications. Everything different. And you get a new bed.”

Good luck to all old newlyweds.


did you remarry Tell us about your experience in the comments section below

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/dos-donts-getting-married-second-third-time-around/ The dos and don’ts of getting married second… or third time around

Skyred

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